The Daughter...The Sister...The Friend

Ok people, I just got done typing this entry after like two days of wanting to do so. As I read through it, I notice that it is all jumbled up, with like three or four different thought and things going on (over the course of two evenings all up till today). Pls bear with me until I get the hang of this blog-thing. i do thank God that I am able to do stuff like this, cause the more I write, the more I want to say. Enjoy!!!! :-)




THURSDAY/THURDAY NIGHT.
Finally, it’s like 12.58 am and I finally have some time to write what I’ve wanted to write since last night. Last night I got to talk to a few friends, all of which was going through one thing or another. We are all going through something, and for the first time in a long time, I enjoyed sharing my experiences and I appreciated having them in my life, as each of them play different yet similar roles in my life.
I have decided to talk about myself a little. I choose to reflect on my past, and my present. I want to talk about Toni and what makes her up.
Before I begin, earlier in the evening, I spent some time in during one of my classes writing what and how I felt at that point in time. To add it here would kinda mess up my flow. So I will find a way to kind of fit it into what I have to say. I had two classes last night; the second one was the hardest to get through. My professor is nothing but special. All he says all through class is, “yah”….”Is it clear what I’m talking about??”…”Do you follow me???”….. “Yes my friend???” It’s all funny to me. I have to try real hard not to laugh each time. But he’s a sweet old man who seems to have nothing going on in his life. He longs for these Thursday night classes so much that he says it’s the highlight of each week. Weird huh????

Anywayz, I was thinking of the couple of trips I have planned for the rest of the semester. I plan on going to D.C for Mary and Elizabeth’s birthday party on the 15th of this month. I also found out that Elodie is also having her 21st birthday party that same day, but in a different club, I am pretty excited about that weekend, thought I have a couple of exams that following week. My next planned trip I for November 5th, by God’s grace. This one will be to Lansing, where I plan on having a lot of fun the “Toni” way. I have not done this these past few months, and I want to do it right this time. There are a lot of things I wish I could make right…a lot. But I guess that’s life and all I can do is pray to my God, live right and hope for the best. Though I wish I could be in Lansing for more than a couple of days, as it is going to cost me a few, I don’t really mind though. It’s all for love I guess. Hahahaha. And ohh...there's the driving test I've been meaning to do like all my life. Let's see what happens then.


To officially start off this blog entry, I had a nice day yesterday. The time right now is 4.13am. I have spent the past few hours talking and catching up with a friend who looked like he could use a talk. It’s a long story but I’m kinda happy I did talk to him. That’s me….pushing back sleep just to talk. I love it…though I will be cursing myself out (along with the guy himself. He has to work at 4pm) later this morning as I have to be at work at 9am. Well….no pain no gain.
Well back to my day. I took a shower, tried to leave home early enough so that I could go to school and complete this homework that was due later in the evening. But I stayed back a little bit to make lunch, and I listened to some Boyz II Men songs as I did so. I was taken back top when I loved nothing but love songs. I think I’m a romantic…I love to love and I love to be love. I am working on the “love to love” part, trying to make sure that I love EVERYONE and not just those who know and love me. It’s hard to do, but also possible. So I cooked and sang along to my songs, thinking about my life and all. Man it felt sooo good. Talking about myself, I was advised by a very wise woman to look at myself in the mirror every once in a while and tell myself who I am and remind myself of what I like and dislike. You know…some kind of way to reflect back on how far I’ve come, and to assure myself that I can still make it through the journey. So hear goes….I will be Toni, Anthonia, Ify.
Ify is the young lady who loves her family like no other. Sometimes, she’s scared that she might love them a bit too much. But I don’t believe you can ever love enough. Family is first, and to please her family members, be it her daddy, mommy, auntie, brother, or sister, would bring her no greater satisfaction in life. They are her heartbeat.
Ify becomes Anthonia when she decides to step outside her family home and the comfort zone that has been built and made for her since she was one second old. Anthonia is the chic at school who tries to be who she was in High school…the Victoria in every aspect of her life. Anthonia is casual friend to many, a colleague to a few, and “just somebody that I met” to some. Anthonia is polite to everyone she meets, but in those few minutes she finds she’s alone, she notices that she is nothing more than all what was listed above…..a casual friend, a colleague, and a stranger.

FRIDAY
And then there’s Toni.....now this is my favorite of them all. Toni is Toni…she’s alive, she’s vibrant, bubbly, fun. This one here plays more roles than Anthonia and Ify combined. She’s the friend that you can call in the middle of the night just to vent, or she could be the one keeping you up to the wee hours of the morning, just wanting to talk to you because you mean a lot to her.
She’s the cool sister to her younger brothers; she’s also the “over-protective” sister who will mutilate any girl that tries to get their dirty claws on any of her brothers. Sometimes she’s like the energizer bunny, she never stops.
She’s the girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend. She’s loves unconditionally and has been hurt quite a few times. She’s felt things that she would not want anyone to feel, but unfortunately, we are but flesh and blood. She did end up slipping, and quite recently too. She hurt the one she loved the most.
She’s the super-sensitive one. She tries to fit into the world around her; she’s taken up a couple of personalities just so that she could be “just like the others” even though being Ify and Anthonia has shown her that she is indeed one of a kind. Toni, Toni, Toni.
Toni has also had some low times. Though people know that she’s funny, a good dancer, someone who smiles a lot, someone who cares and is CRAZY about kids/babies, she’s gone part of her life not fully understanding what having those qualities could do for her and others.

Well I could go on and on about this particular character, but I prefer to tie them all up and speak from the heart for a little while. I am Ify, Anthonia, and Toni. I guess I spend most of my hours being Toni since that’s what all my friends call me. Life is crazy, my life, I love. I would not trade places with anyone..(except I was paid good money for it…sike!!!) But seriously, I know there’s no one who laughs at dumb jokes like I do. I am yet to see any woman out there with fuller lips than I have and no one can use them like I do (ask Koko…j/k), or a figure like mine. (I hope no one is being reminded of Toni Child from the show Girlfriends. cause I’M NOT HER!!!!!) LOL. As I was saying (I have one minute to complete this thought before my lunch break is over), I kinda love what God has placed in me. I have grown and learnt a lot from every heartbreak, tears shed and sleepless night that it’s crazy. If it had not been for it, I would not have been blessed with the opportunity to be loved by those who do love me, the way they do love me. Every girl wants that attention, wants to know that her opinions count. Basically we want to know that we are loved, appreciated and needed every once in a while, if not always. This could be in forms of relationships, friendships, family, jobs etc. I think that’s why one of the reasons why there are more women giving their lives to Christ than men.
I have to stop here for now. It’s back to work for me. This will definitely be continued very soon. Bye